Identity, Behavior, Attraction

Identity, behavior, attraction, and orientation are not the same.
Granted, about 80% of people in Western nations will identify as straight, be solely attracted to the opposite sex and only have sexual contact with the opposite sex.
That percentage drops dramatically when surveying teens, to around 40-50%.
That leaves 20% of the population who hold some sort of same sex attraction but their identity range from straight to gay; and that identity might change throughout their lifetime. Not to mention same sex behavior, however it is motivated.



CDC 2013 study published in 2016

Table 2. women aged 18-44
81% were only attracted to the opposite sex and
0.8% were only attracted to the same sex.
1.2% weren't sure.
The rest (16.9) were attracted to both in some degree.

Table 3. women aged 18-44
92.3% identified as heterosexual,
1.3% identified as lesbian, gay, or homosexual.
5.5% identified as bisexual,
0.9% didn't report.
 as something else was dropped from the survey.

As usual, when you narrow the age to younger women (18-24),
reported same sex attraction increases (22.4) and
heterosexual identity drops (89.5%).

2013 CDC study
They only questioned sexual identity
which I think is a shame. The study should be as comprehensive, if not more, than the last study.
Among all U.S. adults aged 18 and over,
96.6% identified as straight,
1.6% identified as gay or lesbian,
and 0.7% identified as bisexual.
The remaining 1.1% of adults chose:
‘‘something else’’ (0.2%),
selected ‘‘I don’t know the answer’’ (0.4%),
or refused to provide an answer (0.6%).
They threw out the 1.1% and the numbers changed, As shown in the study provided.

There is a 2013 Pew Research survey
That only surveys LGB identified people (1,197 people).
The discrepancies between identity and attraction still exists
People wonder why most Bisexual people in this survey have partners of the opposite sex (84%)
It's partially in the numbers,
For bisexual women,
13% report being mostly attracted to the opposite sex
34% report being attracted to the opposite sex more
31% report being attracted to the sexes equally.
That's at least 47% that are geared towards the opposite sex
78% that could easily be in relationships with the opposite sex.
6% who chose the opposite sex for whatever reason.

For the record, only 78% of the lesbians surveyed were mostly attracted to the same sex.

CDC national health report
In the cdc report.

Table 5. women aged 15-44.
12.5(0.8)% have had same sex contact with another woman.
The highest was women aged 20-24 at 15.8(1.8)%

Table 11. women aged 18-44.
83.3(1.1)% were only attracted to the opposite sex and
0.8(0.2)% were only attracted to the same sex.
 0.7(0.1)% weren't sure.
The rest (15.3%) were attracted to both in some degree.

women aged 20-24.
only 77.6(2.3)% were only attracted to the opposite sex and
0.8(0.3)% were only attracted to the same sex.
0.4(0.2)% weren't sure.
The rest (21.2%) were attracted to both in some degree

Table 12. women aged 18-44.
93.7(0.5)% identified as heterosexual,
1.1(0.2)% identified as lesbian, gay, or homosexual.
3.5(0.3)% identified as bisexual,
 0.6(0.1)% as something else, and
 1.1 (0.2)% didn't report.

women aged 20-24.
6.3 (1.1)% identified as bisexual

Table 14. women aged 18-44.
4.6(0.6)% of women who said they were only attracted to the opposite sex still had sexual contact with the same sex.
9.0(0.7)% of Women who identified as heterosexual still had sexual contact with the same sex.


Even this study is skewed because same sex behavior For females, includes oral sex or any sexual experience,
For males, includes oral or anal sex with male partners.

This study, the most comprehensive and the one with the highest sample size (56,032), shows a discrepancy in identity and attraction.

how many people are lgbt

how students identify

UK Research report 35: Sexual orientation explored

british kinsey scale study

discrepancies in adolescents
a study done in Quebec of 1,951 students

Twelve percent of adolescents (n=237) endorsed at least one measure of nonexclusive heterosexuality.
A total of 3.4% reported gay/lesbian or bisexual (GLB) identity
(another 3.4% were unsure),
9.0% reported same-gender attraction, and
4.0% same-gender behavior.
There was no consistent pattern of overlap between the three measures, and no single dimension effectively captured this population.
The question about attraction identified 71%;
identity identified 52%; and
behavior only 31%.
In raw numbers, more heterosexually identified students reported same-gender attraction (n=95) or same-gender behavior (n=33) than
GLB-identified students (n=44 and 29, respectively).

And other scholars see a distinction too.

"...I use the term "sexual orientation" to mean a consistent, enduring pattern of sexual desire for individuals of the same sex, the other sex, or both sexes, regardless of whether this pattern of desire is manifested in sexual behavior. A woman can have a lesbian orientation but never have a same-sex relationship, just as she can have a heterosexual orientation and still pursue multiple samesex affairs. Most scientists consider desire, not behavior, the marker of sexual orientation. "Sexual identity" refers to a culturally organized conception of the self, usually "lesbian/gay," "bisexual," or "heterosexual." As with sexual orientation, we cannot presume that these identities correspond to particular patterns of behavior. Nor can we presume that they correspond to particular patterns of desire. Because sexual identities represent self-concepts, they depend on individuals' own notions about the most important aspects of their sexual selves. These notions, as we will see, can vary quite a bit from individual to individual. Moreover, some people—particularly women—reject conventional lesbian/gay/bisexual identity labels in favor of alternative labels such as "queer," "questioning," or "pansexual." Others reject all identity labels in order to make room for a broad range of sexual possibilities, as well as to acknowledge the fact that all labels are somewhat arbitrary"- Lisa Diamond

Side note, Here is the conclusion of Lisa Diamond's study:

Female bisexuality from adolescence to adulthood: Results from a 10-year longitudinal study:

The findings of this research suggest that there are, in fact, appreciable boundaries between the long-term developmental trajectories of lesbian, bisexual, and unlabeled women, but these boundaries are relatively fluid. 

Hence, the present study supports the notion of bisexuality as a third type of sexual orientation and also supports the notion of bisexuality as a capacity for context-specific flexibility in erotic response. In contrast, the findings are inconsistent with the long-debated notion of bisexuality as a transitional stage or “phase.” 

Of course, this study is limited by its reliance on a small (79), exclusively female, disproportionately White and middle-class sample, and future research on larger and more diverse samples of sexual-minority women and men is important for determining the generalizability of the findings.

 Nonetheless, the results have important social and scientific implications. They contribute to researchers' emerging scientific understanding of the basic nature and longitudinal development of female sexual orientation, and they provide critically important information for educators and clinicians attempting to understand the distinct challenges and meet the unique needs of bisexual individuals over the life course.

I've seen this study used to draw conclusions about female sexuality in broader populations, that is a misuse of the data. The sample size is too small and narrow to draw any broader conclusions. This data just shows that Bisexuality is not a phase.

Reading is Fundamental

revised from 1/30/12

Vulnerable

Word of the day

adj

susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm

...how is it that we are asked to be vulnerable in relationships?

Relations

How hard is it to be honest about what you want and what you're willing to give?
Assuming you know
Or maybe we always want more
But are too afraid to ask
Or too afraid of the responsibility that goes along with it

too afraid of rejection
vulnerability is a bitch

A term for Sexuality

The one problem I have with giving women who only want to have sex with women another label is that 'bisexual' is a word describing one's sexuality. It's clearly a sexual term. Not one describing someone's romantic or love interests.

Bisexual is in the same family as homosexual or heterosexual. Strictly terms for one's sexuality

So technically, realistically, and honestly, a woman who likes having sex with men and women, regardless of her romantic leanings or who she falls in love with, is correct to call herself bisexual.

Maybe it's a woman's nature to be adverse to a term that only describes one's sexuality, but, bisexual is just that.

I think the we're hitting a wall because, in the QUILTBAG, Bisexual is one of two labels that is strictly about sexuality. The other being asexual.
asexualty

I don't know of any QUILTBAGs that identify as homosexual or heterosexual. They usually call themselves gay or lesbian. Even heterosexuals are called straight.

Gay, lesbian, and straight are terms that describe more than sexuality, those terms are about love and lifestyle and everything else.

So really, homosexual, heterosexual, and bisexual are fair terms to describe one's sexual orientation or attraction.

They aren't very good at describing one's identity. Gay, lesbian, straight are more oft used for that. So this leaves out bisexuals.

Queer isn't a word everyone wants to use due to it's history, so I can see why women who are attracted to women and men would rather identify as gay or straight. Because those terms are about more than just sexuality.

I'm queer because it's the best description of me overall (sexuality excluded). I identify as indifferent or equal opportunity if people push.

Maybe it is all in a word. I'll make this assumption that is in line with the statistics. If you asked someone straight out, more people would confess to their sexual behavior. People would be honest if asked 'Have you had sex with men and women'. They would also be honest about their attractions; 'are you attracted to men and women'.
If you asked someone their identity, the answers are so subjective they don't completely match up with their behavior or attraction. This is true of straight, gay, and bisexual people. And they aren't being dishonest. Identity is not the same for everyone. Identity is about more than who you want to screw or who you have screwed. So you're not going to get the answer you want based on your understanding of identity. You're going to get the answer based on their understanding of identity

Queer

Word of the day

Adj

Strange
Odd

Homosexual
informal usu. offensive (esp. of a man)

differing from the normal or usual in a way regarded as odd or strange
suspicious, dubious, or shady
faint, giddy, or queasy
informal , taboo homosexual
informal odd or unbalanced mentally; eccentric or slightly mad
slang worthless or counterfeit

1508, "strange, peculiar, eccentric," from Scottish, perhaps from Low Ger. (Brunswick dialect) queer "oblique, off-center," related to Ger. quer "oblique, perverse, odd," from O.H.G. twerh "oblique," from PIE base *twerk- "to turn, twist, wind" (related to thwart). The verb

Synonyms
unconventional, curious, freakish, eccentric, weird. strange.

Originally pejorative for gay, now being reclaimed by some gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered persons as a self-affirming umbrella term. Caution: still extremely offensive when used as an epithet.


Queer has traditionally meant odd or unusual, though modern use often pertains to LGBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex and non-normative heterosexual) people.

Its usage is considered controversial and underwent substantial changes over the course of the 20th century with some LGBT people reclaiming the term as a means of self-empowerment.

The term is still considered by some to be offensive and derisive, and by others as a re-appropriated term used to describe a sexual orientation and/or gender identity or gender expression that does not conform to heteronormative society.

In contemporary usage, some use queer as an inclusive, unifying sociopolitical, self-affirming umbrella term for people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, transsexual, intersexual, genderqueer, or of any other non-heterosexual sexuality, sexual anatomy, or gender identity.

It can also include asexual and autosexual people, as well as gender normative heterosexuals whose sexual orientations or activities place them outside the heterosexual-defined mainstream (e.g. BDSM practitioners or polyamorous persons). Queer in this sense (depending on how broadly it is defined) is commonly used as a synonym for such terms as LGBT.



aglbical

urban dictionary

dictionary

I love sex

Or at least the idea of sex.
When I was my own kind of devout christian, I wanted to save myself for marriage
Now I'm a queer kid, I learned that marriage wasn't necessary.
Though I still think love is
I think that sex is sacred. It holds spiritual power
And if it isn't sacred then it is definitely something that should be taken more seriously than it is
More powerful (and often dangerous) than we give it credit for.
Fosters attachment and masks love

Like a drug. Addiction

I'm affectionate. I love intimacy
But I've found that sex isn't worth the crap I have to put up with in order to get it regularly.
Maybe if I felt fully connected I'd think differently. But I haven't
I really just want to cuddle...maybe a little kiss here and there.

I love sex. I don't like having sex with people I don't want to be attached to. I don't like the feeling after having sex with someone I'm not attached to. Or having sex and getting attached to someone before it's really prudent

Disease and drama have no place in my life
So, bottom line. I don't have a problem with sex. I have a problem with people.

Ornery

word of the day

adjective informal

bad-tempered and combative:
• stubborn:

Hereditary

New Oxford American Dictionary

I love

I love everyone
so I don't have to be in love with anyone

scary little thing called love

I believe that in order to truly love someone, you must understand them.
Many times your heart leads, then love seems to be blind, ineffective, selfish even.
you have no idea if you are happy, if they are happy.
it's scary feeling like you're on a limb that could break any second.
You already fell without even expecting it.
You may get over it but your heart is still wounded. There's still a scar. Making it tougher. Making you guarded.

Trust

Risk management
Accept the risk only when the benefit outweighs the cost
when Love feels like a risk
Anticipate and manage risks by planning
when you don't have enough information to make a healthy decision
make risk decisions at the right level
love takes time
accept no unnecessary risks.
love does not fear.

But I realize I've been using the ORM wrong.
You're supposed to
Identify the hazard
Assess the hazard
Make risk decisions
Implement controls
Supervise

I haven't been implementing controls
I just decide that it's not worth the risk and pass it by
Or I only give what I'm willing to lose.

So what is the benefit
If there can be friendship and a heart protected.
When you love but are afraid to say it.
When I have to change my thinking from love to friend.
when love isn't something I can get rid of so easily. Ignore it, stifle it. Let it die.
What I have to tell myself.
I can be a friend. A friend who loves, supports, helps,
one who doesn't need love in return
I think a relationship is secure, there's a commitment.
What's the difference between a lover and a friend?
Is it just the physical intimacy? Is it a vulnerability?
You can be in love and still be friends. It's a bit of torture if one is not mature enough; but possible.

I feel like I'm an oddity. It's hard for me to relate to people and feel like I'm understood. Very important to me. Otherwise. It's the loneliest feeling, not being understood. This loneliness sits in your gut when you're alone or when you're in a crowd. It's worse in the crowd. It's worst in love.
I hate being confused and this is the most confusing and frustrating thing I've dealt with in a long time.

I'm in love and I'm uncomfortable with those feelings
I'm in love and it scares me
When my mind is telling me that it's not going to work and my heart is telling me that it doesn't matter, just do it.
There's no voice of hope. Nothing saying that it will work out.
Maybe that's my insecurities or maybe it's intuition. Maybe a little of both.
I wish i was able to trust someone with my heart

Sexuality: Indifferent

I understand that we don't like labels; but labels happen. If I'm gonna be labeled, it's gonna be on my own terms. I've gone from straight to bisexual to lesbian back to bisexual and now I just don't care.

I joke that I'm equal opportunity. It's pretty much true; I am "committed to a policy of providing sexual opportunities to people regardless of economic or social status and will not discriminate on the basis of race, color, ethnic origin, national origin, creed, religion, political belief, sex, sexual orientation, age, veteran status, or physical or mental disability." (modified from the University of Kentucky website)


Problem is, I'm not hiring.
It's hard to admit; but, I am really weary of people. Especially on an intimate level.
I've never met a person I couldn't live without.  I usually get tired of people after a while.
My oxytocin works; but I've never met anyone who was worth the highs and lows.

 I've rarely seen a successful relationship.
 It's gotten to the point where I don't see many benefits in getting involved with another person.

Or maybe it is a low self esteem/high social anxiety issue.
I'm not anywhere close to a model. I know it will take a considerable effort on my part to get a person and maintain a relationship. I just don't have the desire or attention span.

As far as gender is concerned...
I don't have the tolerance for men or the attention span for women.

People seem to always test your boundaries. Men to see what they can get away with, women to see how far you will go for them

Men do things just to see if they can get away with it
and women need to be the center of someone's world. And if that's not you, she'll find another sucker.

So now I identify as Indifferent.

And if anyone asks, my response is, "are you offering or do you know someone? If not, it's none of your business."

Thank God I'm ambidextrous.

You know what doesn't make sense? Dating

Dating is completely outside of my realm of human interaction
It takes me a while to even start talking to people I don't know
Then, I have to have regular, constant interactions with them
Like, school or work.

I'm open to something in the future;
but, I have to spend a considerable amount of time getting used to someone else's presence.
I have to observe people before I engage with them.
Or sometimes I can quickly come to the conclusion that I don't care what you think.

Tried it. Didn't like it
And I don't have to try things over and over to get that they don't work for me
It seems so ass backwards or unnecessarily accelerated
Something is wrong with the timeline
There are phases to letting someone in
Levels of trust
takes a long time to develop trust
the kind of trust where I know a person is not going to use me against me
Seems like you skip a whole lot or go through them too quickly for my taste
I'd rather just enjoy an experience without all the assumptions and expectations.

I've never met a person that I needed or wanted anything from.
I've never met a person I couldn't do without.
And frankly, the idea of someone having any sort of influence over my life is unsettling


Then there's the sex. Fucks everything up to a certain degree.
Certain things that need to be seen get cloudy. Certain boundaries get crossed.

I need to have a relationship that is rooted in a friendship
Don't expect me to put any effort into it.

Who do you love?

People tend to fall in love with someone they created or someone they once knew.
When it all comes down to it, people want others to do what they need to do for themselves.
You don't love your wife, husband, mother, etc.; you love what they do for you. You love their love for you.
One day I would like to meet someone I love for them and not for me.

Deep Thought

Don't make a decision when you're angry
Don't make a promise when you're happy
B Scott

Boundaries

Surprised I didn't write about this already

Realized when fight or flight are my choices, I choose flight.
Rather than tell someone that they have crossed a boundary

Not realizing someone has crossed a boundary

Then ignoring the boundaries
bottling up
feeling like shit
how long would that last?

Acknowledge shit I don't feel comfortable with.
Boundaries can be set on the spot
Acknowledge headaches and stomach aches are symptoms of emotional turmoil

it's good to write down some boundaries and review written boundaries maybe once a month

Unhealthy decisions

This train of thought was called mistakes. I don't like that word anymore

Getting involved too early
Ignoring boundaries
Not trusting my instincts
Having sex to early
Not being friends first
Not backing off when I feel something is off
Staying in an uncomfortable situation
Not knowing the difference between irrational fear and survival instincts

Not knowing your common purpose, goal, identity or rationale for existing together
you don't know of anything you can build a friendship on

Taking a risk
Knowing there was a high probability of failure
and underestimating the severity of it.

Deep Thought

if you spend too long holding onto the one who treats you like an option, you will miss finding someone who treats you like a priority
-unknown

Not playing the game

Realized that when I'm attracted to someone it just means that I'm open to it not that I want to pursue it
Actually, I have no real desire to find a mate.

I'm not opposed to it but I've never put any real effort into it.

As I remember, I've never actively pursued anyone.

I've had crushes but rarely ever wanted to make any more out of it.

It might be a sex drive thing. Though I know people I find sexually attractive and I've been struck stupid silent by some

I've blown off most people who have been interested in me.

Oh well, if it happens, it happens; but not with any help from me

Second most important thing...

Everyone knows the most important thing in any relationship is communication
The next thing is timing
Some say that people have the ability to fall in love with anybody. This is doubtful but feasible if timing is taken into account
Both people have to be at the right place in their lives to properly receive the other
sometimes you meet someone who seems great. But the timing is off

Of course I don't include love in this equation because we're supposed to love everyone anyway, so it's kind of moot

Myth is a manifestation

This is the problem that can be metaphorically understood as identifying with the Christ in you. The Christ in you doesn't die. The Christ in you survives death and resurrects. Or you can identify that with Shiva. I am Shiva-this is the great meditation of the yogis in the Himalayas...Heaven and hell are within us, and all the gods are within us. This is the great realization of the Upanishads of India in the ninth century B.C. All the gods, all the heavens, all the worlds, are within us. They are magnified dreams, and dreams are manifestations in image form of the energies of the body in conflict with each other. That is what myth is. Myth is a manifestation in symbolic images, in metaphorical images, of the energies of the organs of the body in conflict with each other.

Joseph Campbell

Yin Yang

Masculinity and femininity have been around longer than it's appropriate to argue about.
The concepts exist in the universe.
They aren't social constructs
They weren't made up by our oppressive societies.
The ideas are pure in themselves

We are fucking up the balance.
Creating false imbalance.
The person with the penis holds all the masculinity
The person with the vagina holds all the femininity
Every living being holds both.
We rarely cultivate the balance within ourselves
Then we look to others to correct this deficiency.
Instead of working with our true measures,
we try one extreme and force the rest upon someone else.
In being true to yourself, you will find your balance.
You will bring honor to the other by dignifying their balance.

Scientifically, men and women have testosterone and estrogen (hormones that supposedly govern sex). On average, Men have more testosterone than women and women have more estrogen. On average. Meaning there are men and women who live outside of this average. I understand that high levels of testosterone in women and estrogen in men cause health problems

But, this post is about balance.